Friday, August 31, 2012

My absence and the blue moon!

I'm back! One of my major flaws is my lack of consistency! I have been stressed out lately and it gets the better of me. I'm sorry to keep you guys waiting on more posts. As for my last post...to answer your questions, no I'm not pregnant again! lol Just moody and weird!

I have some great news! I have found a mentor and I have a feeling she is going to be a great friend! She feels I have great intuition for a newbie and that makes me feel good to hear.

So, tonight is the blue moon! It is the second full moon in the month of August 2012! Once again, I am feeling the pull of the moon very strongly tonight. I had planned on doing some spellcrafting, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to practice grounding and centering. I was reading up on it a bit online and came across an exercise. It said to practice directing your energy with a partner. So, I ran upstairs and asked my handsome man to help me out! :D I told him to take his shirt off and I removed mine (this was for the exercise I swear!-lol) and of course he was all for that! Then, I told him to sit on the edge of the bed and close his eyes and tell me if he feels anything. I sat behind him and pointed at his back about 2 or 3 inches away. I pictured a ball of light in my stomach getting stronger and then I pictured myself breathing in the light from this gorgeous full moon. I combined the light from the moon and myself and forced it out of my hand. I did this twice and then on the third time, I got frustrated and forced with all my might! He said, "Did you just touch me?". I flipped out! We tried a few different things. One where he stood in front of me and I was mentally telling his left arm to rise and it did. Then, we played around with reading thoughts. We found that I interpret emotions. He would think of being at peace and comfort and I would picture something that made me feel at peace and comfortable. After exercising this psychic part for a while we tried doing something WAY harder. I pictured a blank, white marker board and he pictured himself drawing or writing things on this board. We held hands or hugged and I managed to tell him the answers to questions he was writing to me and I was able to tell him pictures that he was drawing....almost every single time. And the times I was having issues he admitted his ADHD was getting the best of him. lol
Now, none of this proves anything to anyone except for me and him. I am not trying to convince anyone of anything. I am just sharing something exciting that happened to me. Tonight, my plans changed. I didn't spellcraft, but I did exactly what the Goddess wanted. I listened to my intuitions and harnessed Her powers to gather my energies and USE THEM! :D  I don't doubt myself anymore. I know that what I am doing is real!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Junk n stuff

The past couple of weeks have been pretty crazy for me. I am battling a bit of depression and I have no real big reason for it. I have been super tired all the time...just drained. I have no gumption to get up and do anything other than the bare minimum. I feel sort of blah. Not a deep depression, where I am crying all the time like someone who just watched a Mother's day marathon on Lifetime, but more of a "I don't know why I feel this unmotivated, I'm not sad" depressed. I know money is tight, but that's been the norm now for oh, let's see...my whole life. I am not a wealthy person. Never have been. I have always been at the line between lower middle class and we don't live in a cardboard box, yet. I'm hoping that will all change soon. I'm also starting to become ok with some things that I wasn't ok with. I am usually a high strung, controlling person, but here lately I just feel like it hasn't gotten me anywhere great being that way, so maybe I should stop. I am starting to become ok with the thought of getting married again. My partner and I have been together now for almost 3 years. We raise my daughter from my first marriage together and we have a son together. I love him dearly and though we have had our bad times I am committed to him and I know that he is just as committed to me. I haven't been ok with the thought of getting remarried anytime soon, but now, I think I want to. Another thing is the thought of having another baby. My partner wants more kids, but I haven't been too keen on the idea of more. Mostly because my two stress me out. I love them more than anything in this world, but they wear me out! lol  But, with me feeling all strange lately it has me wondering if I am pregnant again and I admitted to my partner that I wasn't upset about the thought of having another baby and that I didn't know how I felt about that. Lots of "not giving any fucks" lately. I am feeling more relaxed about stuff, but I cannot shake this weird, lazy, unmotivated feeling. I don't even have the gumption to do any rituals or spells. Maybe I am being attacked by some force. GAH, I don't know. I'm tired. It is late. I think I am going to sleep. Sorry my first post in so long is a really crappy one. I promise I will write something interesting soon! Love you all!

Blessings! )O(

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Forgiveness

Today on Lugnasadh, I want to talk about forgiveness. Everyone needs forgiveness, but forgiveness isn't really for the one that is being forgiven. It is for the one forgiving. It is one of the hardest things to learn to do, but one that will free you from the chains that hold you down the most. You forgive, not because what the other person did to you was ok, but because the anger you hold in your heart for that person will be released when you forgive them. When you have no anger, then you know true freedom. Don't get me wrong, forgiveness is not about letting people walk all over top of you. You can forgive, but that doesn't mean you have to let them do it again. You can forgive and hold someone at a distance or even cut them out of your life completely. Forgiveness is more of an internal, self freeing thing. It's choosing not to harbor ill feelings towards someone anymore. I think it takes a great deal of inner strength that not everyone possesses to forgive. It is easier to be angry than to forgive. Part of Lughnasadh is taking the time to reflect on the past year and to make new beginnings! Today, think about whether or not you have any anger that you need to let go of and any forgiving you need to do. Look inside yourself and find that strength. If you are having trouble, ask the Goddess to help you along the way. You will be able to get closer to her wisdom if you take these baby steps to restore your soul.

 Happy Lughnasadh and Blessed be! )O(