Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Junk n stuff

The past couple of weeks have been pretty crazy for me. I am battling a bit of depression and I have no real big reason for it. I have been super tired all the time...just drained. I have no gumption to get up and do anything other than the bare minimum. I feel sort of blah. Not a deep depression, where I am crying all the time like someone who just watched a Mother's day marathon on Lifetime, but more of a "I don't know why I feel this unmotivated, I'm not sad" depressed. I know money is tight, but that's been the norm now for oh, let's whole life. I am not a wealthy person. Never have been. I have always been at the line between lower middle class and we don't live in a cardboard box, yet. I'm hoping that will all change soon. I'm also starting to become ok with some things that I wasn't ok with. I am usually a high strung, controlling person, but here lately I just feel like it hasn't gotten me anywhere great being that way, so maybe I should stop. I am starting to become ok with the thought of getting married again. My partner and I have been together now for almost 3 years. We raise my daughter from my first marriage together and we have a son together. I love him dearly and though we have had our bad times I am committed to him and I know that he is just as committed to me. I haven't been ok with the thought of getting remarried anytime soon, but now, I think I want to. Another thing is the thought of having another baby. My partner wants more kids, but I haven't been too keen on the idea of more. Mostly because my two stress me out. I love them more than anything in this world, but they wear me out! lol  But, with me feeling all strange lately it has me wondering if I am pregnant again and I admitted to my partner that I wasn't upset about the thought of having another baby and that I didn't know how I felt about that. Lots of "not giving any fucks" lately. I am feeling more relaxed about stuff, but I cannot shake this weird, lazy, unmotivated feeling. I don't even have the gumption to do any rituals or spells. Maybe I am being attacked by some force. GAH, I don't know. I'm tired. It is late. I think I am going to sleep. Sorry my first post in so long is a really crappy one. I promise I will write something interesting soon! Love you all!

Blessings! )O(

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