Saturday, January 25, 2014

Sweet Home Alabama

   Well, my little family has moved to Alabama! We've been here a week and so far we like it. We haven't been able to do much, yet, but what we have been able to do was nice. We visited the bay and though it was a bit chilly, it was beautiful. The people here seem very friendly and there is way more to do here than back in NC where we lived. We are staying with my partner's side of the family for a few months to save up our money and I have some anxieties about it. Don't get me wrong, it's not them...it's me. You see, anytime I have stayed with family in the past, it resulted in fighting. My family is not the most accepting and loving when it comes to people "cramping their style". They will invite you to stay because they know it will help you out, but then make your life a living hell while you're there. I never felt comfortable staying with family, so naturally I am worried the same things will happen here. But, this time feels different. The family we are staying with is very loving and understanding. They don't get irritated easily and don't expect too much out of us. They just want to see us do well. It's refreshing, but I'm still nervous every time they come home from work. I worry that I haven't done enough house work or that my kids made too much of a mess or that we ate some food we weren't supposed to. But, every day the same thing happens. They come in, say hello, have conversation, ask if we need anything, make dinner (either separate or together), clean up and go to bed. There is no irritation, no feeling that we are bothering them and no fighting. Just calm, simple, love. I'm not used to it, but I could totally get used to it.

   We have been looking at the real estate down here and the prices are amazing! The public schools are also amazing with nothing scoring less than a 7/10 and the school's in the next town over all have 9/10 ratings. I was also very pleased to find that the Pagan community down here is a bit larger than the one back home! I've reached out to them and received much positive feedback. They are uplifting and sweet and I look forward to meeting them and hopefully partaking in ritual with them. It makes sense for us to make a life here. I think we could be happy here.

   Before we left NC to come here, I was feeling overwhelmed. I was scared. I still am, but not as much. I remember going down the stairs of our townhouse to see all of our stuff scattered around in boxes. Some of the boxes were labeled "storage" and some were labeled "Alabama". I remember thinking, "Oh my God...this is happening. We are moving to Alabama. I'm leaving my family. I've never been anywhere for longer than a couple of weeks. I'm terrified!" I turned around and went back upstairs and shut myself in the closet. I fell to my knees and began to sob uncontrollably. I begged Goddess to come to me and hold me. I asked her to help me. I asked her to give me strength. I told her I needed her to be there for me and to be my rock. In that moment, I felt a presence that I haven't felt in a long time. I didn't feel alone anymore. I didn't feel scared anymore. I felt my strength growing and I heard her voice calming me. I heard her shush me in a loving, motherly voice. I heard her say, "Get up and do what you need to do". At that moment I knew that she showed me that I didn't need to lean on her. She showed me that I already had the strength that I needed inside of me.

   This journey is going to be a whole new beginning for me. My life will be different. I am shedding old skin, I feel. I am finding my strength, I am finding Goddess, I am finding myself. It's scary at times, but I am loving it!

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