Friday, September 30, 2016

I'M BACK!

  I'M BACK!!! It's been too long. I've been silent for several reasons. We've been very busy and stressed with the things life has thrown at us but, I've also been silent, because I have been going through a lot personally, in my own head. I haven't known exactly what to write about.
I still don't, if I'm being honest, but I feel like it's ok now. :)

  Let me start with this...
We moved back to NC after a rough year and a half in AL. It started off fine down in the deep south, but started going downhill a few months after we got down there. There was barely any work and we welcomed our newest bundle of joy while we were there, so we made plans to move back to NC.
Since coming back, things have been better and worse in different ways. My family (parents and grandparents, etc) are still my family...unaccepting of my religion and way of life, but they have been less vocal about it. I think they missed having us around. Don't get me wrong...they still have their issues, but we haven't been experiencing it like we had been.
In an attempt to not indoctrinate my kids into any one religion, my kids have gone to church with my mother several times. They still go to Pagan events with me from time to time when I go, but they enjoy the large children's group activities that the church offers. That's fine with me. I know that they are being raised with a healthy well roundedness as far as religion goes and they will understand more as they get older.
 A couple of months ago, my eldest came to me and asked if we could all go to church as a family, because she liked going, but didn't like that she could only go when she stayed with her grammy.
I said, no, at first and explained to her that it was because I don't believe the same things the church believes. She left it alone. However, about a month later, she and my son attended VBS at the church and wouldn't stop talking about church and how much fun they had. It brings me so much joy that they have fun doing something like this, but it makes me cringe as well, because of the belief system. They both ganged up on us after that about going to church as a family. After a few conversations, my partner, Michael and I decided that we would try out a church we used to go to. It's non-denominational and fairly liberal, they have a very clear understanding of the fact that they have a ton of "non believers" in their congregation, and they play good music, so we figured we could tolerate it. We attended a Sunday service and the kids loved it, of course, and I was happy, because they have a Starbucks in the lobby (I have mixed feelings about that, but I'm so addicted to coffee that it shuts me up).  We sat through the service, which was thankfully all about love and how the world sucks and needs more love (all things I agree with). I sang along to the familiar worship songs that I still know and love (music is life) and I didn't once feel uncomfortable being there. I thought I might be, but I am so secure in my beliefs that it honestly didn't bother me. Sure, there were a few eye rolls here and there when the pastor talked about accepting Jesus and whatnot, but it was fine. We have decided to attend regularly so that our kids can have fun and so we can have easier access to community. Those are things that I enjoyed the most about church as a child. These are not bad people and because I did grow up in church, I tend to be a little bit more of a traditionalist than a lot of the Pagans I know. My kids know my beliefs and they respect them. We talk openly about how everyone has different beliefs and that's ok. Do I think I will become best friends with anyone in the church? Probably not, but it would be cool to find out that there are some other parents that go to the church that aren't Christians.
  The funny thing is that my family is hilariously excited about the fact that we are going to church. I knew they would be, but it's as if I'm completely accepted back into the family and treated like none of this "Pagan stuff" ever happened. I chuckle, because my beliefs haven't changed and I doubt they ever will.  I am an earth loving, make love not war, hippie witch and not a damn thing will ever change that. Maybe one day I will make enough money to open up a Pagan church of some kind that has just as much to do as these Christian churches. That would be lovely. <3