Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Halloween Dreaming



  I've got my windows open, my older kids are outside playing with their friends, my baby is taking a nap and I've got Loreena McKennit playing on iHeartRADIO. I am trying to transport myself to a different place for a minute. Somewhere calm and beautiful. Somewhere much different than this cramped apartment. Halloween is in a week and though I have tried to get into the spirit this year, it's been hard. I'm trying not to let the depression get to me, but that's easier said than done. I keep trying to focus on what I want to happen in the future and not focus on what I don't want to happen or what I am currently unhappy with. But, when you are a natural realist leaning towards pessimism, that can be hard. With my partner, Michael (I gotta come up with a cute nickname for him for this) getting better business opportunities, our goal is to fix some credit issues, save up and buy a house as soon as possible. That cannot happen soon enough for me. I know I have to be patient, but it's hard for me. I'm a Capricorn with an INFJ personality. I am a very "take the bull by the horns" type of person. I like to be in control and fix problems that are thrown in front of me. I don't do well with allowing others to handle things. So, you can imagine how hard it is for me to be a stay at home mom with little to no income, allowing my partner to be the sole bread winner during tough times. I just want to do so much to help, but I am extremely limited, because I have to take care of my kids, because we can't afford childcare. This might change soon and then I will have to decide if I want to go to school or just start working. I've thought about selling real estate, because I think it would be a job I could excel in. I love houses (The Sims is my favorite game, because you get to make houses) and though I'm not always fond of being around people, because it is very draining (empath over here), I do well with them when I have to work in customer service/sales positions.
  So, today, I'm transporting myself to the future. It's Halloween night. I'm in my little dream house. It's decked out in so much Halloween decor that it looks like a prop house from Halloweentown (yes, the made for tv Disney movie). My kids are all dressed up in their costumes. This is the future so they are all a bit older. Dad's all dressed up in some crazy costume and ready to scare the pants off the Trick or Treaters that come to the door. My oldest (Z) is making a spooky soundtrack to play so she and dad can turn our house into a thing of nightmares. My middle child (A) is running around the house, hiding in different spots and popping out to scare us over and over again. And my littlest baby (W) is eating homemade Halloween themed snacks, while watching The Nightmare before Christmas. Michael, now known as DP (Dear Partner) from here on out, lost the battle this year and I was finally able to dress our dog up for Halloween, so she is decked out in the cutest little devil costume I could find. My cats are wearing hats of some kind and are curled up on the floor together in front of our giant stone fireplace! I've just finished putting on my amazing goth fairy costume with wings that actually move and am now making pots of mulled wine and cider. Once I'm done, I begin to light candles and sage my home. I make a plate of snacks and set it on our table and invite our loved ones who have crossed over to join us. My family and I take a moment to remember those we love that have gone before us. We hold hands and chant "It's the blood of the Ancients that runs in our veins. And the forms pass, but the circle of life remains". Then, the festivities begin as myself and the little ones head out to trick or treat and Z and dad stay behind to pass out candy and scare the trick or treaters! The night air is cool and the sounds of laughter and squeals fill my ears as we head down the long driveway to the neighborhood. The woods lining our driveway are decorated with thousands of orange and yellow lights and the air is filled with the fog from the cauldrons of dry ice we set out.
Once we reach the sidewalk, we see that the streets are filled with children, each all dressed up and ready to get the most candy in their buckets. We enter into the lines of people and begin our trick or treating journey. Once we are back at home with buckets filled with sugary treats, we dump them on the living room floor and begin separating and trading, while dad and Z excitedly reenact all of the hilarious ways they scared the trick or treaters that came to our door. We pass around popcorn and other various snacks and sip on cider and wine until it's finally time to put the littles to bed. Z stays up a bit later to watch a light scary movie with me and DP. As we sit, curled up together under a blanket, I scan my surroundings. My home is filled with beauty and love. My heart is glad.
  I can't think of a more perfect way to spend a Halloween night! I know this will be in my future. I see it so clearly. DP and I will make this a reality. Good things are happening for us and though it seems like it's taking forever, we will get to this point. We will. And once we are there, I will look back at this post and say, "I told you so"! Blessed be my lovelies! )O(

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